[ja]cobdavis

In fifth grade, we were told one day that we were going to have seperate girls and boys Olympics. The classroom next to mine joined up with ours and the sexes seperated. We were going to watch a video as the girls were going to have their olympics. This video?

A horribly awkward, “for young children” sexual education video. The male teacher from the adjacent class was stern on keeping things undercontrol, snickering to a minium, and no talking.

It was tough going for a group of fifth graders to keep it together as girls in the next room screamed and cheered on their peers as the box placed at the front of the room squacked “dick” “penis” and “falopean tubes.” My memory tells me kept our composure but I know myself better and sure there was hushed whispsers.

But this is not the focus of the story.

The following day we came in for our go at the games. They were what I can only equate to hastenly thrown together repoductions of tradional olympic games. There was a few of them in all, but I remember one in vivid memory.

The game was discus. We were given a couple of white paper plates and a row of desks created a path and distance markers for the throws. The ‘strong’ boys in class were whipping the flimsy pieces of paper making for short and floppy flights. I leaned over to a friend of mine and told him that they were doing it all wrong. It wasn’t about being a brute. The idea that all off the other kids were missing was that it was about floating them down the field.

I watched a couple more desperate attempts to get the Dixie plates to reach past three feet and they all were seemingly hurled at the ground. My name was called and I stepped up and smiled graciously at the lengthy teacher. I gripped the edge of the plate like a Frisbee and lofted it into the air. It floated, wafting in the silent air as the type A grunts in class watched bewildered, high above the four feet line, lower by the six feet and rest at the nine foot scrawl of masking tape. Everybody went nuts. The muffled sound of the girl’s sex ed video was finally drowned out by the cheers of my classmates and I drew back again for my second throw.

The following afternoon I stepped up on the podium and raised my huge golden chocolate bar above my head and basked in my only first place win of my childhood.