Thought I’d share the song that makes me smile a bit
Thought I’d share the song that makes me smile a bit
Friday, mid June. It’s Chicago so it’s hot and sticky. Listening to Devo’s new album, which is quite good. It’s struggle every day to focus. With the marketing at SPG I find it incredibly difficult to settle and just bang out a couple blog posts, or e-mails. I could only muster 2 today, though I did leave by 1:30. My sister’s wedding next week, and NYC > Spain the following week. I’m not sure what is more daunting, the Fancy Food Show or traveling. I’m sure others can sympathize, but I feel the need to get things right. I’m way out of my league just visiting New York with a foodie, let alone going head first into a Fancy Food Show.
I’ve been stressing more each week as I’ve got to get a bunch of shit done before I leave – because my lovely job allows me to schedule 80% of my work. In reality, it’s next to nothing and I spend more time worrying than doing the work it self.
For a long time I’ve had this layer of dread on top of me like a blanket, I’m not sure what its all about – maybe seeing my dad? Who knows.
In the light breezes in beds of summer I lay reading, keeping my eyes fixed on letters and words. Skipping back and re-reading, my mild dyslexia and adhd becoming less of an excuse and more of a reason. I only feel the wind form the spinning fan above me on the parts of my body that are covered in the longer hairs – those that seem to be the first to shake in the wind. I try and think and write and ignore and imagine all wrapped into one complicated blanket of self-worth and identity. I flash ahead 10 years and try to imagine who I am, it’s fuzzy and try for five and I still can only make out my awkward haircuts and thick glasses with a bend forward hunch and gimped ankle. The only time I see myself in my imagination I’m standing awkwardly in different hallways either lost or strangely misplaced, like a dream that has yet to happen. I’m never doing anything. My occupation is a faint outline of what I’m doing right now – which isn’t much other than pretending that I’m not a waiter.
So I’m trying to write again right? Would I consider what I do at work, writing nearly meaningless blogs that 10 people actually take the time to read writing? I’m not sure I would. It’s more like the internet or blog or web version of verbal vomiting. I just cram a bunch of shit people tell me or that I read about the product or that I make up while eating it or just plain pull it out of my ass and move some words around, adding verbosity and simplicity like a kid swinging a stick he/she found in a park. And yes, there are times I let loose and someone gets a stick tossed at their backside, luckily they just scowl and I furrow my brow and walk away.
But then again, maybe it’s good I started doing this work. It’s forcing me to put words to ‘print’ and even having a real audience helps focus my writing a ton. I do have to admit that the ‘voice’ I’ve created for Southport is leeching into my normal writing and I’ve been lucky enough to catch myself doing so (see smile faces & exclamation points) – on the opposite, I think my voice is slowly creeping into the “Southport” voice. As an example, I put up a sign in the store with my smarmy attitude that said to buy a group of prodcuts for people “who are nice enough to feed you.”
So, again am I writing? Well all of this other blogging is leading to the wiener blog is leading to this blog which may or may not lead to me eventually working on something. Only time will tell I guess, I’m going to go ahead and it here by saying that if you try and push it out, you’ll only end up wearing it.
On the ‘being productive’ front: I’ve set up Garage Band on my laptop to function with the wii remote, but I’d like to be able to change pitch depending with the accelerometer. I’m not super happy on how it all works and I’m going to keep looking for gameboy or nes setups – but this is my trail after all. I’m fucking awful at making music, but it’ll take time. It’s kinda fun to sit in bed and mash some buttons remotely to play tones.
Found this bad ass stenograph program (one pictured left), that is pretty fun. HTML5 only: http://www.benjoffe.com/code/toys/spirograph/
Work is getting a bit monotonous and I’m getting board with hot dogs. Maybe it’s just my mood.
Well it’s the day after my colonosopy and I feel fine. I didn’t have a BM this morning, which I feel kinda weird about. This is beyond the point – 2 removed polyps – which the doctor didn’t seem worried about. I’ll be hearing back from the biopsy later this week. I’m not worried.
I’m looking for my next bike trip, and for a way to mount my phone. I’ve looked online, and I know I’ve seen where a guy mounts his with a two buck light fixture and a silicone case. Mounting the phone would allow me to both see the live tracking on MyTracks as well as see maps when I’m lost (which is often). My only concern is water damage, but I guess I’d just not use it in the rain. I think my next long ride will be the North Branch Trial (http://www.traillink.com/viewtrail.aspx?AcctID=6032266). Forest Glen to Glencoe, with an around-the-pond ride turn around. It’s a longer ride than the lake front ride (which was 18m), and is a bit longer of a ride to the start – meaning an all around slightly longer ride. I’m okay with it, after the last ride I thought I could have gone longer – so this will be a good run. Biggest difference is this path is a covered path (trees) and I’m not sure if it is concrete or ‘prairie path’ style dirt. I am starting to also think and consider the Grand Illinois Trail. Before that I’ll try and do the 61 mile Illinois Prairie Path. Although I’m not sure how they measure the path (length vs entire run), because the path spider webs out west. Either way, I’d like to make it to sycamore on my bike this summer.
I’m working often, splitting a seedbox, and looking ahead to the summer – sister’s weeding, fancy food show, and Spain.
I rode my bike the entire length of the Chicago shore yesterday and back up again. I’m not in any pain which is surprising. I found things on the path though that were really quite interesting. I never knew there was a huge water feature behind the McCormick building. That fat girls always walk with a skinny girl (didn’t grab a photo). For future rides I’d like to mount my phone on my bike so I can either a) track my speed/etc with Google’s ‘my tracks’ or b) be able to capture a time lapse of the ride. Lots of great views and fields south of the loop. What is nice about my phone now is that I can track my rides with the gps (http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?msa=0&msid=216429673862229320600.000485c7889ff7c0a9726). I was going to try and do ‘every’ time I was on my bike, but that much info is kinda wasted on someone as lazy as me. I do think though that I’d like to capture the longer biking trips – this is just my first one. I also want to look into a solar charger that I can attach somewhere on my bike. Not sure how well it would work though, but still worth looking into.
When I ride I feel the wind and the breeze on my face. In the winter I can’t help but feel it. I always feel the breeze on my lower leg where the wind catches the open flap of my jean bottoms and the uncovered leg above my low cut socks. Even in the early parts of spring do I have to wear enough clothes that the sharp northern torrents freeze me, the ones Chicago is notorious for. I think that is why spring is so special. We hide so long from the wind, covering ourselves that we can’t really let ourselves just be. We are cooped up in our apartments and houses sheltered from life, from the spring air. At least, this is how it is in the Midwest. In the temperate zones of the world. We embrace spring in a full open arms kind of way. Arms outstretched in t-shirts and shorts before we really should. It is a fever really. Spring fever – how quaint. The people of California, only the parts those who don’t live in California or near by thing of when someone mentions California, must be miserable. They have to think we are sad, with our snow and cold weather. We bear it. We know spring is coming.
I rode my bike through winter, all but the month of December and a few days here and there in November. I had thought it too cold to ride. Fed up with wasting thirty more minutes of my day waiting, I tried riding again.
The first thing you notice when riding your bike in January, is that in fact you are riding your bike in January. The grid street system of Chicago lends itself to what I like to describe as ‘tunnel wind’. I don’t really ever describe it as this, I just say ‘the damn wind’ or something. But I felt the need to say it this way here. No matter. From the years spent in front of the TV and even watching the Weather Channel a bunch, I found out that the jet stream makes a pattern down from the farthest reaches of frozen Canada and shoot straight for Chicago and pulls itself back north over lake Michigan. So it’s cold. You get used to it, it is the wind – the force of wind so strong you question if walking would get you there faster.
A co-worker of mine describe it perfectly as though it was Jello outside. I couldn’t help but see her, me, everyone in a world of livable Jello. Moving slow, not like in slow-mo replay where we know we can return to regulation time, but a place where we know it isn’t supposed to be this slow. Everything tinted in a red or yellow. Just a big block of it maybe existing in an area where no one could avoid it. It would more of an annoyance than a hazard. The sounds of the radio muffled and distant on the inside. A smooth low hum over it all. People would live in it, just because they were different, or poor, or artistic, or just wanted to give it a run. Nothing would change, no damage to electric lines, we just move and live in it.
I’ve been thinking of a way I could dictate on my bike – something about motion makes me want to write. Trains, cars, planes – these are the places I want to write. Now I’ve got the bug on my bike and I’m getting things, little snippets of things that are like wisps of dreams that I’d like to capture. Talk to my phone to jot it all down. Just a thought I guess.