When I sit out on the desk its not hard to see why people love the city. It’s not really about the fresh air, because as my sister tells it – it smells like burning tires and garbage. Now I’m not sure if I agree with that, but I do think there are some places a stench so horrendously bad that it has to push through the concrete. But the mornings are something else. It’s mid spring and the sun feels like a warm bath, its not like the summer sun that forces you to seek shelter. The wind is smooth and cool, but not so cool that it makes you shiver. It’s the type of cool that brushes off some of the hot sun and sooths you.
The city has a strange feeling in the morning too though. Maybe its just a Sunday, but it’s like there is something resting and relaxed about it. Now I’m sure there are some people having a fire or got shot or something somewhere in the millions of people living here, but I don’t think they can ignore the feeling. That might just pile on top of their anxieties, knowing full well that there are people like me sitting around typing stupid nonsense like this out.
It’s nice, and I think this is the “just right” place for me.

Is it that you are actually missing someone or is it that you miss the way they make you feel about yourself? Are those two mutually exclusive? I myself am not sure. When I miss someone it’s first about how I’m going to feel. The initial feeling that you know will come sooner or later when you are alone sitting and thinking: “well it would be nice if they were here.” Then later you are laughing really hard at the TV, and want to turn to that person and get a response – they aren’t there. Later when you go to sleep and you lie and have that moment right before you go to lay down and know they won’t be there. Or that single moment right before you drift off to sleep and you dwell on them, you think about what they might be doing, if they are thinking the same about you. Sometimes you forget about them being gone, and you hear something funny or want to ask them a question, but they aren’t there to hear it. Missing someone isn’t about them really, it’s about yourself in a way. The missing puzzle piece like in those lawyer commercials late at night, or the drug adds about Alzheimer’s, or autism ads, they are gone from your life. They, usually, feel the same way. Maybe that is what missing someone is really about. The mutually shared emotion of felling helpless with out each other. That you feel like your day could not possibly go on with out them. It does, and so does theirs. Missing a person is like forgetting to set the clock on the VCR. You don’t really know what the feeling is until you have it, yet everyone knows what it’s like. Everyone forgets about it at times in their day, but its somehow still there glaring, blinking to tell you to fix it.

You try and live the memories of them though. The way they look when they laugh, or the way they roll their eyes when you say stupid things. It makes everything worthwhile when you see them again, in that one moment everything is forgotten when reunited.

There is this weird connection that I get when playing online. It’s not really of true friendship, nor is it a distant aquantence that you nod to on the street. 95% of the people that I talk to on a daily basis online I would never know if I saw them on the street. Only a hand full I may notice because I’ve seen pictures but nothing that I could tell a sketch artist.

I don’t sit in a random chat room talking to strangers. These are people that I have, in a way, gotten to know over a full year period. The strangest thing is I’m not sure I would have enjoyed my last year in college as much without them. I confided in a few, and even would tell them things I wouldn’t tell a best friend (and didn’t). Maybe there is something that could be said about the faceless disconnection and how I fell like I can say anything to a person that way.

It wasn’t the smell of old smoke and the fresh air rushing in, it was the smell of everything. It combined and rolled into this growing feeling of sadness. The ceiling was dropped so low I could run my hand across the blackened tiles. I’m sure they used to be bright shinny silver that reflected light into the now dark dust covered corners. The guy’s bathroom was a hallway with a toilet at the end of it and a smudged mirror from waist high up on the left side. It was positioned in such a way that if someone came barging in they could catch your eye and see what you were holding in a glance. I tried to situate myself so all they saw was my back, but exposed myself on the right side to a quick glance down the tunnel of piss. I only call it this because only twenty minutes after getting there pee was covering the floor. Stickers coverd the far wall too, white squares with a picture of unraveled TP saying something about poopoo and food. A green sticker used to be on the inside of the door, streaks of lime green show the direction at the attempted removal. There was a room next door full of smelly people that when the door the sweat stink of that kid from middle school’s armpit would waft into the bar.

I’m in Boston and it seems like the East coast is really for me.



So I get some spam, just like everyone else. After watching Spamland (#1,#2,#3) I got inspired to try and find some poetics in my spam. Here are a few.

From: Stanley Orozco
Subject: Alert: And he is positively
May 21, 2007

in my memory, arrayed itself with all its first distinctness. lips apart. I took courage, and led the fated pair to a new-made way? Which way?, holding her hand on the top of her head to Hullo, where is John? he asked, suddenly missing the third bed.
common grown-up, with a daughter called Margaret; and every

As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door might venture to proceed. Their bright eyes were fixed on me; their She is such a dear quiet thing, Alice went on, half to herself, that his jealousy had grounds, so far as that Walter Brome had blend them with the intermingled tree-tops, except where the roof of fire so as to see to darn, for there was no other light in the Is Michael asleep? he asked, with a careless glance at Jane.

From: Haley
Subject: Enjoy it as i do
May24, 2007

the associations connected with it, she desired to preserve it for the sake¡¡’m much obliged to him for his interest, but it ‘s quite wasted, thank you.” “but she is hands now presented a most brilliant appearance.

the associations connected with it, she desired to preserve it for the sake the associations connected with it, she desired to preserve it for the sake miss scamp put his paw on her lips because he saw them moving, but it seemed as if¡¡air of soldiers getting ready for a battle, with the bracing of nerves and quickening

air of soldiers getting ready for a battle, with the bracing of nerves and quickening¡¡”take it away! take it away at once!” he shouted. answered the child, gazing thoughtfully at the curious thing she had found. only make the sacrifice all at once, and done with it, then it would seem easier;

the answer came so quick that it nearly took the old “gracious, miss p.! how can you? i’ve been here this; scarlet, sandy, streaming, and speechless she leaned against the illustrious are all very well in the spring, but mine protect me against the winter.” fair¡¡anything, it’s done though the sky falls,” said laurie, when he had presented

“but i never go to parties!” cried¡¡to stay here a little while, if i could; i do so dread to be alone. is it possible? room; no skill, no success! if i could be an student major-ing in economics,! and i don’t know any of them very well. papa named this place the aunt-hill,

shone so magnificently that the scarecrow heartily congratulated him hands to push the raft through the water. new york at uncle’s; and then, in the spring, i was sick, and we came f: what will peter play this friday? ¡¡figures. i am glad of this, for though i should be very proud of a

the face better, do you think?” said becky, taking off a wet cloth,¡¡venture on any fashion and nature blessed her with a complexion that her head, while laurie seated himself astride a chair. clever and fly round right smart. miss meg is going to make a proper

“and i am going to ask him to give sancho with difficulty restrained himself from repeating his former we will accept the fact, and at once cheer ourselves after the last i’ll ask laurie to go skating. he is always kind and jolly, and will¡¡the wisest. so rose, looking out from the safe seclusion of her girlhood¡¡view of the brook, the meadows, and the distant hills; and over the with laughter while she excavated that her knife went too far, cut

who, remembering all the young pair had suffered together, felt that in a room playing toys. that’s not helpful to make the children strong. she thought sad, bitter, oftentimes rebellious thoughts. her.¡¡

for any thing,” she always said with a resolute air after one of these ever so nice; and i shall keep her as long as she ‘s happy.” used for darning stockings. (it may surprise you to learn that a princess on his hobby, came ambling up to hold an intellectual tournament in the¡¡resolving never to return, she went home, and worked off her irritation

bright eyes were fixed on me; their She is such a dear quiet thing, Alice went on, half to herself, that his jealousy had grounds, so far as that Walter Brome had blend them with the intermingle




The times that I look at her and am not thinking about sex, I think about her in ten years. I try to imagine where we will be. Looking at each other in the drowned out colors of light grays, saying “goodnight”. We smile, kiss and tell each other that we love the other, even when we’re mad.
I try to think about the light that might be in our hallway. It might be the same lamp, a fake oil lamp with flowers painted on the sides, that will sit in our common area of our old house. I kids would be asleep and we would be tired from walking to the park or a long day at work. Every night I still would sit blinking, waiting for her to poof away, because it just doesn’t seem like it’s real. Nothing this great is supposed to happen to me.

This past semester was a serious strain on both of us. We had some pretty horrendous roommates that turned from friends to people that lived with us. I made dean’s list, released a magazine, turned a club around, worked, received two awards for my writing, and am still with her. I wasn’t home much there at the end of the year, I would have never been there had it not been for her.

When I hold her from behind when she’s curled up in bed, I know that it’s alright. She’s what I want. If she were just like me it won’t work. I need someone to shove me out the door, because “the sun’s out.”

This is great, and even when it doesn’t feel like it is, it still really is.




First up is the computer that can “evolve”. This thing has a set of ‘genes’ that can change at anytime to accomplish the task at hand much faster. This is kind of amazing thinking about computer technology today and where it will be at the end of the year even. For me, I welcome our machine overlords.

Our machine overlords will be sending information faster than ever thought possible, because this week Alcatel/Lucent brought us the new record in data transfer. 25.6 Tb/s. Thats 25,600 Gigs a second. That would allow all of your computer files, before and current to be sent in a blink of an eye. It would be nice to have fiber laid to my house, I could network my entire town (20k + 10k in college students) and still have enough bandwidth to conquer the world (if I so choose).

Microsoft calls everyone with a Wii 14 (link). And they find that you are who you are based on your cellphone.

A friend of mine showed me this a while ago and its really kind interesting when you look at the names who signed this.


This was signed in 1997. By men in power today that have great influence on what we do and don’t do. From the Wiki article:

Former members include prominent members of the Republican Party and the Bush Administration, including Richard Armitage, William J. Bennett, Jeb Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, Zalmay Khalilzad, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Richard Perle, former U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz.

To think that a large chunk of Bush’s administration were part of the New American Century. It is painful to think of all the wrong doings in the current administration. Between the fired justices’ to hiring an A class ass hat of a man to speak on our behalf at the U.N. to this intensely righteous war. The friend of mine who showed me this also talks about how war is not about politics any more, which out current administration can’t get out of. If there is war it needs to be about economic power, because at the point of globalization we rest on right now, that is what matters. Who can make the most, who can produce or grow the best; that is where the world is now, and we are falling quickly behind.

Our national debt is going into the open hands of Chinese bankers their government. Our greatest threat to our so held spot of #1. They are holding our bank statements.